Just after the new year, I returned from vacationing at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, thanks to the generosity of my boyfriend’s family. I’m not going to lie…it was great.
But I will also tell you that getting to great was a struggle, because like many Americans, I am terrible at relaxing. And there is a difference between losing yourself in social media or a video game and TRULY relaxing…truly relaxing is the opposite of numbing yourself with input, and it is not something many of us are used to these days.
In December, I worked overtime for three of the four weeks. And that was just the work at my regular cash-cow support job. That’s not counting the personal projects, voiceover auditions, etc. By the end of the year, I was OVERWORKED beyond belief. I had some sort of panic attack at my new job caused by the sheer overwhelm of working so much, learning so much information in such a short amount of time, and not having any time for myself.
Exhausted Billie who swears she isn’t going to run herself ragged in 2020
Not the healthiest place to end a year.
Every year when January begins, I want to hit it running. I want to get going on the new goals! I want the auditions to start rolling in! I want to hustle, man!
And every year is almost always the same: NOTHING HAPPENS
…for at least the first few weeks
Because everyone has been running themselves ragged since just before Thanksgiving! Everyone has been attending holiday parties, working a ton, helping their kids get through finals, getting through finals (college students out there), shopping for all of the gifts that we feel we have to get people, and then returning all the gifts we didn’t like right after Christmas is over, traveling to be with family, cooking, shopping more to cook more so we can bring a dish to yet another holiday party that happens post-Christmas, stressing out about what to do on New Year’s Eve and spending way too much money to do it…
Oh, the list goes on.
So, this year, I packed myself off to a tropical island, excited for the retreat…excited for the ocean, the pools, the all-you-can-eat buffets
And very quickly, I got bored. (Yes…I know…”poor me” 🙄) But our culture is one of constant input and stimulation. It’s hard to go from “go-go-go” to “slooowww.”
Sure, I could have filled that boredom with television (and I did fill that boredom with some reading for sure), but my brain was like “You are in a foreign country! You are surrounded by gorgeous views, amazing plants, and some of the greatest people watching. Enjoy it, goddamn it!”
I was bored here???
It took a few days, but my brain started remembering what it’s like to not always be bombarded with multiple inputs. I learned to put aside the easy dopamine hits, slow down and just enjoy sipping on my coffee. To savor the sour and wonderful passionfruit that ended my breakfast every single day. To sink into the rituals of the experience and not fight the new pace of life.
Every day, the options were the same. The yoga class might be different (Aero yoga, water yoga, sunset beach yoga, paddle board yoga…) and each night we had a reservation in a different restaurant (the illusion of difference being betrayed by the same servers working in all of them and also the desserts’ tendency toward a similar gelatinous texture), but mostly every day was similarly an illusion of choice: go to the beach first, or sit by the pool first? Go to the entertainment offered at our resort or the one next door?
Just breathe…
Yes, there were other exciting things we could have done if we’d had the money (snorkeling with sharks), time (13 hour all-day trip to some national park in the mangrove forests to see a lot more wildlife and lunch by a waterfall) or the inclination (no thanks, 9am spin class!), but mostly, I’m glad I had a bit of a system reset.
I started writing the book I want to finish this year (a non-fiction book about the restaurant industry); I finished reading one book and continued another; I swam, not laps, but mostly a leisurely frog kick; I remembered that I can like cardio when the right machines and audiobook are present and how much getting my blood moving before breakfast makes me feel amazing; I got up at 7am (really 6am my time) to go reserve a cabana at the beach for the day; mostly, I remembered how much time there is in a day when you aren’t filling it with a million “have tos.”
And then I returned to my life, and immediately got sick, and spent a few more days doing almost nothing. But I still feel more rested, more relaxed, and more myself than I have in months.
So, even though I’m now back to the “have tos,” I’m also trying to keep a few things that I loved about vacation mode:
Yoga, at least ten minutes a day, preferably more. Giving myself time to breathe and be present and remember how short 30 minutes can feel when I’m present.
Not overscheduling myself—picking out what I need to do and letting everything else go.
Avoiding social media…honestly, I came right back to my bad habits as soon as I returned. But I’m going to take Facebook off my phone again to remove the immediate temptation to click on it when my brain stops getting input from around me. There’s so much in the world to observe if you are just present for it.
Being outside in the fresh air and sunshine more. It’s so easy in the winter (yes, even in the south!) to avoid going outside because the weather isn’t perfect, or because it’s cold, or rainy, but honestly, I feel so much better when I go for a walk, or sit outside. (In fact, I came outside to finish writing this!)
Getting together with people that I enjoy. I was very isolated all fall because of work. I only spent time with my coworkers and not with my friends or networking with people in my industry. It’s super important to meet people and form relationships in this industry, so that is high on my priority list for this year.
To spend more time creating than consuming, whether that’s writing blog posts, working on my book, or making jewelry. When I was a kid, I spent hours and hours being creative. And time always feels more expansive when I’m doing something creative instead of consuming media all of the time.
What about you? When you are on vacation, what do you wish you could hold onto when you come back to “reality?”
Wishing you all a happy, prosperous, yet relaxed New Year!
